He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How does one acquire holy water?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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