Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
