I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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