Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
