He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
