OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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