i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
