He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
