I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
