Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
