It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize