Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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