It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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