wakey wakey hands off snakey
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
