He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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