Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
