youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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