There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
