so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize