1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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