the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize