i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
