please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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