i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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