I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
