i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
