yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
