Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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