Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
