I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
