Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
