love makes seman taste better
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
