I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
