you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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