I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
