We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
