Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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