it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
