So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
