Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
