Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
