I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
