New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
