I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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