So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
