from now on my penis is your penis
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
