3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
