i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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