i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
