Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
