So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
