How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
