i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize