i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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