I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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