I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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