he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
