I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
