boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
