Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
