worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
