Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
