he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he puts the penis in happiness.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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