lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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