Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
