too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
