he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
