meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
