I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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