It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
