so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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