i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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