he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
