Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
