why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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