wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
