Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
