What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
